Alone Time

How much alone time do you need?

There seems to have been a cycle to my life where I go from a lot of alone time, to next to none, then

back again.  When I was six, I was a latch key kid of a single mom who worked three jobs.  When we were together, she was tired in a way I could not understand.  I loved my time alone listening to Disney fairytale books on my record player and following along in the book.  I would turn the page when Tinkerbell made her sound.  I swear it is how I learned to read and to love reading.  But I would also get so lonely.

Fast-forward to college and there were always so many people around. You weren’t ever really alone for long.  Summers were as much decompression as recharging my brain.

Then I lived alone as a single person in DC. I had friends and volunteered a lot outside of work. But long weekends often consisted of a good audiobook while I worked on a quilting project. There were times that I was lonely and felt I was missing out on a piece of life.

Then, about ten years later I became a mom.  And within a year, I was a single mom.  Within another 18 months I was also helping elderly parents and would continue in some way, shape or form for another five.  While working a full-time job.  In an open-cubicle office.  With less than five minutes in my commute from my son’s daycare to work.  I was never alone.  And I finally understood why my mom was so tired.  I knew my situation was short-term and I would yearn for the good old days when it was over so I powered through.

I also realized that humans need alone time as much as they need social time.  What differs person to person is how much of each we need.  Our need for alone time does not mean we don’t cherish and value those we are surrounded by.  It means we want to be at our best for them and to do that we need to reset regularly.

I found ways to reboot my brain when and where I could.  Here are some of my tricks:

• I will often take my lunch hour outside of my office, alone, and enjoy escaping into a book for a while.  
• I started taking photography classes and the homework time forced me to focus on my camera and what I was trying to capture. 
• I sometimes stay up later than I should reading or watching tv, just because that is my only alone time.  
• I occasionally hire a babysitter to go to dinner by myself, get my nails done, or go see a movie by myself.  
• I like to get to work before others or stay after everyone leaves to take advantage of the prime focus time. 

How much alone time do you need?  How do you fit it in?  What are your clues that you aren’t getting what you need?